The semester is quickly reaching the grand finale. My roommates are already cramming for finals and end of semester projoects. Unfortunately, I’m busier than ever with the most boring things. Most Tuesday afternoons I leave my class feeling like I just ran a marathon or waged a small war with my mind. Most mornings, the alarm goes off and my first thought is, “I don’t want to do this today.” You can only tell yourself for so long it’ll get better before you finally realize it won’t until it’s over. And you can only manufacture joy for so long until reentry brings reality and your burnt. I’m burnt. Spent. Exasperated. The joy I so recently overflowed with I can’t rightfully claim at this moment in my life. The fire is cooling and life is slowly but surely finding it’s way back to normal.
I, however, will not stand for this. My life can’t be normal. Not after everything I’ve seen. Not after everywhere I’ve been. Not now, after learning and conquering so much. I won’t let it.
Last Wednesday I went to worship not wanting to worship. Not feeling much from the Holy Ghost. But, I realized something. You can hand me boring day after boring day. You can send me to a class where people can’t play good frisbee. You can take away my daylight. You can freeze me off my bike. You can keep me up till all hours of the night working on something special for 25 middle school students only to see it blown to bits by disrespectful and disobedient children. You can make me write paper after paper on math and its misconceptions. You can make me watch the beloved Dawgs play less than excellent football week in and week out.
But, you know what?!
You can’t take my Jesus. Not from me. Not today. Not tomorrow. And when it’s all said and done, he’s all I need. Throw what you will my way. Make life as miserable as possible. Leave me with one choice. I beg you. Send me to my knees in front of my Jesus. Because, you can’t take him away. He’s always faithful. He’s always loving. He will never leave. He will never be pointless or mindless. He has a plan and purpose. And he certainly isn’t normal. Send me there. Life, I dare you. Give me what you will.
A few weeks ago, I was watching the show Eli Stone. More than ever these days, I am convinced there are things in this world that carry a little piece of the divine. This one night, Eli Stone was it. At the end of the show, Eli was talking to his friend and he said of him, “Eli you were meant to take great strides across the surface of the earth and with each one you will change the world.”
I think I’m meant to change the world. And I will not let life become normal again. I will not lose sight of my first love. Not again. He is mine and I am his.
You can’t take my Jesus.