People I love the most are speaking truth into my heart a life. Through conversations shared while being perched precariously on railroad tracks high off the ground, late night back porch musing, and a couple of books, the Lord has been stirring something inside of me. Through it comes an itch to be something more. An itch to live abundantly. An itch to love selflessly. And an itch to finally become the man the Lord has called me to be.
I can feel something stirring in my heart. Like a giant waking from his slumber. It comes and goes and comes and goes. A battle rages in my heart and mind as I recoil from all the Lord is revealing. But the pebble has been thrown and nothing can stop the ripples spreading rapidly across my heart. The giant inside of me is clawing at the surface now.
I have realized there are still walls around my heart. Walls from love lost and friendships squandered. I see their faces and hear their voices and a terrible ache rises to the surface. A great sadness time seems unable to conquer. For so long I thought myself healed and mended. For so long I considered myself whole and true. But the Lord is telling me otherwise. He is calling me now to rise up and face the final test. To break down the walls I was sure no longer existed. And the giant inside of me grows.
A quiet confidence is stirring inside of me. A challenge to stand for what is right no matter what the cost. A challenge to love in the same way Christ loved the church. Who, being in very nature God, considered equality with God not something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, enduring death on the cross. So, I too must be willing to put my heart on the line and step with confidence into my own Garden of Gethsemane. Trusting the Lord with every ounce of my being and being ready to give me life for the one I love should the time come. So, I too must be willing to fight for her and buy her back over and over again, even if everything I am is on the line. I too must be willing to go to the ends of the earth to rescue her and bring her into the Kingdom and community with our Heavenly father. No matter the cost.
I realized, however, I am not that man. I am not ready to love like that. I am not ready to fight and put my life on the line. I am not ready to stand with courage for what is right and true and pure. I shrink at the thought of ridicule. I buckle at the thought of disappointing others. I back down when it comes time to fight for what is right. I tremble at the thought of loving someone again.
But the giant inside of me is growing. Slowly I am learning faith the size of mustard seeds can move mountains. Slowly I am learning I have the power to stand against those who oppose truth and life. Slowly I am learning I do have the capacity to love like Christ has loved us. Slowly I am learning all I do is meant for the glory of the one who endured the cross. Whether it be eating or sleeping. Crying or laughing. Riding or sitting. Catching frisbees or hanging with my roommates. I do it all for the glory of the one who rescued me and gave me life.
With this comes a freedom. A reckless abandon to do it all with full speed and a smile on my lips. To stand tall and ride fast. To love fierce and to laugh the loudest. I don’t do it for them. Or you. Or whoever else there may be. I don’t do it for personal gain or glory.
I do it for Him, who is even now sitting on his throne in Heaven with the fullness of the Glory of God surrounding him.
The giant is growing. Climbing to the surface. Challenging me to step into the person the Lord has for me. Challenging me to live a life worthy of the Cross. So, I must. Even though it hurts to travel back into the pain and once again tackle the walls around my heart. I must push forward. I must conquer my fear and doubt. It is time for courage and confidence. Time for life. Time to grow up.
So, let us together arouse the sleeping giants and raise an army of men and women who fear nothing save those who might not hear the gospel we so desperately cling to. Let us join the throngs of those who are already fighting and take up arms with our brothers and sisters. Let us enter the arena, surrounded by those who have gone before and run the race marked out for us.
It is time.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
“Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
Come, let us shine together.
Ride hard. Laugh loud. Love fierce.